If you’re a male minister and have had gender inclusion on your mind for a short while or long while, you are among many ministers who are in the same boat, and the struggle is real. It’s likely that you are theologically aligned with gender inclusion, yet male-only practices are still the dominant norm at your church during the traditional Sunday worship time. Do you feel God urging you to do more than just agree with gender inclusion? If you are reading this article, the answer is “yes.”

As I listen to ministers like you, I hear your concerns about the effects of gender exclusion on the women in your churches, and the fear about your own daughters’ rejection in the church you love. I respect how you are carefully discerning how to restore Christ-centered freedoms, while your leadership and members are resistant or even hostile to the idea of gender inclusion. The balance is decidedly difficult since your job is dependent on the very people you have promised to lead. Your job as a leader is to inspire spiritual growth. Growth means change; and change can be scarily close to conflict.

Among many other reasons, shepherds are volunteer decision makers for our churches, and this can really slow down the process of considering potentially controversial changes. The reality is that you may very well be a critical piece of the puzzle, created for such a time as this. You are theologically trained and have access to a wide range of ideas, discussions, and resources. You are probably in charge of adult Bible classes and an experienced and trusted teacher. And it has to be said: you are a male minister with an audience and a platform. While no one is encouraging rash actions, passivity is decidedly more damaging on all fronts.

I offer a few suggestions below to encourage you to take some tangible actions. The accumulation of small things is not small.

1. Pray. Admittedly, I feel obligated to put this one first. However, as a communication coach and full-time female minister, I help people work through conflict every day. I often pray for courage, windows of opportunity, and for God to put words in my mouth. The Lord provides.

2. Preach Jesus in a way that transforms our thoughts concerning power and authority. So much resistance of gender inclusion is wrapped up in decidedly unhealthy teachings on both. If Jesus clearly warned against religious power and authority, why are we so hung up on who can do what during one hour on a Sunday? He wasn’t.

3. Speak up. Look for windows of opportunity to respectfully and kindly clear up difficult passages or bring up the many inconsistencies about traditional male-only practices. You may find these openings in the Bible classes you are already teaching, and in one-on-one conversations. As you notice effective leadership by women in your church, and many other places, speak up to affirm the good work they are doing. The silent treatment is never a good communication plan.

4. Yes, your shepherds must be on board, but someone has to get the boat ready. Work from a perspective of “I’m going to have to be stopped” rather than “I’m waiting for permission.” Ask if you and your shepherds can do a private study together. Even if they say “no,” you’ve been proactive and can feel good about that.

5. Talk to the women and younger people in your church. This particular step may seem obvious but is often overlooked. What do they say about their experiences and frustrations, and are the shepherds aware? There can be a huge disconnect between these two groups. Sometimes the foremost fear is that people will leave. Guess what! They are leaving anyway, and gender exclusion is one of the reasons.

6. Practice your beliefs in your own home, encouraging your daughters and your sons to pray, teach, study, speak up, and sing. When the time comes, your church will need female voices who are ready. Children are amazing voices of God and have serious insight. As you are preaching, teaching, and discussing issues with elders, share the thoughts and prayers from the girls and boys. Others will be inspired and uplifted, and the way in which you share can pave the way for important conversations.

7. Familiarize yourself with resources: books, speakers, Facebook groups, gender inclusive churches, and fellow ministers, to name a few. There are plenty of Church of Christ communities full of people eager and willing to support you and to share their experiences and wisdom earned from going through the process. Do you have a favorite book? Keep a few copies on hand, so when the topic comes up, you can hand them a book and set a date to follow up with coffee and conversation. If you haven’t checked out Women Serving God by John Mark Hicks, I can fully recommend it.

I suppose you might have been expecting 10 things, but hey, seven is a very biblical number! So I’m going to leave it at that for now and just feel grateful that you’ve read this far. If you want more, you may want to check out this series of articles designed for elders who are facilitating gender inclusion in their church. Thank you for your work and your heart in this matter. Along with many others, I’m praying for you.